Lawyer
Jan 5th, 2008 by bipolarlawyercook
I took a year off between my swanky women’s college and my super-expensive law school to work. Actually, I didn’t get in to the first set of schools I applied to, and I didn’t apply to a safety, so I had to take time off. The second go round, I did get in to a top tier school, but didn’t make the mistake of applying only to the Ivies. Silly me.
I would have loved to do public interest law after law school, and did in fact apply and get a number of interviews. However, fluency in Spanish and French notwithstanding, middle-class white woman tend to be mistrusted as new hires– we get married and have babies. It’s true, to a certain extent, but I’m still a bit bitter.
Instead, I took a clerkship with the state court system and learned how to be a lawyer. It was an excellent opportunity, and I have huge respect for the front line trial judges who have to hear motions and preside over civil and criminal trials day in and day out. I also gained enormous respect for the clerks, court officers, and law librarians who support the enterprise. From there, I entered private practice, and have worked in one form or another of insurance defense law since. That means I litigate cases, go to court a fair amount, and live my life by the “billable hour” the unit of measure by which 60 actual hours of your life turn into 45 ones you can bill to the client.
I’ve worked at bigger firms and smaller firms, doing a variety of insurance defense work. Along the way, I’ve been certified as a mediator, and I would like to do more of that. I am concerned by the status quo– not so much the legal system per se, as the astonishing lack of insight that lawyers fail to bring to bear on the extremely inhumane conditions in which we practice. The hours, the speed of practice, the adversarial way in which we treat not only our opponents but our colleagues, the stereotypes we continue to apply to ourselves, preventing ourselves from being feminine, collaborative, human.
After some time off between an old firm and my current one, during which time I decided that working with grownups and having time to do other things besides work, I’ve gotten to a place where I think I’m learning to not put so much of my heart into the work– while putting all of my brain in. So far, it’s been less stressful, with no change in the results for my client. Taking it all less personally has been good for me. That I’m working at a firm where intelligence is valued and rewarded, and people understand the importance of maintaining an even temper can only help.
I initially blogged anonymously because I was afraid to get Dooced. Since I started, though, I’ve become less concerned about what people think, and more concerned with honoring the truth as I see it, even if it’s something that knocks me out of the running for job. I’ve been telling political half-truths for too long, and I’m tired.
Though it should go without saying, anything you read on this site that pertains to the law is purely an expression of my opinion. It is not legal advice. I am not your lawyer. You are not my client, unless you have a letter from me, signed in actual ink. You can, however, rely that the tales I tell here are the truth as I see them. You can also call me on anything you think is bullshit. It’s OK– I’m a lawyer, I get paid to fight.
As of late 2009, I’m taking time off from being a lawyer and focusing on writing, reading, and seeing what else life holds besides trying to be Professionally Right All The Time. I’m working in a bookstore. I’m pretty damned happy. The hours were killing me, the responsibility was making me more nuts than I already was.
I like books. I (mostly) like working with people. And the store’s less than two miles from my house. You need a book recommendation? I am your gal. Someday, I’ll be able to talk more specifically about the whys and wherefores about leaving law. For now, I’m focusing on just doing the best work I can in my current position.
Hi,
My Name is Rose and I came across your site and think it is wonderful.
I suffer from depression,anxiety,panic attacks.
I think you are an amazing person to share your story and I am lucky to have read your story.
I am from Australia a long way where you are from but mental illness does not care about the miles.
best wishes to you
Rose
“I’ve been telling political half-truths for too long, and I’m tired.”
Word.
beatnikchiks last blog post..fortune cookie
Boy, your post brought back memories! I convocated with my LLB in 1991, the last of the classes with about 30%+ being women. I was eons ahead of my time in understanding legal trends. The profession has never ceased to surprise me as to how backwards and unprogressive it can be. I had thought that time would improve things for women, that as our numbers increased, our representation would too and change would occur. It seems to have happened a bit, but not to my liking: too many women are quitting. I might be on the verge of re-entering, this time on my terms and on a more egalitarian basis.
Maureens last blog post..oven quandaries
Hello,
I’m currently studying for the LSATs, which I signed up for at like 1 AM a week ago during a rather manic mood… and due to the wonders of online payment, I can’t exactly take it back. My boyfriend just left for three months to bike across America, which is hard on me. I’m a little bit bipolar myself and have been almost too down to study so I did a google search for “bipolar lawyer” just to prove to myself it is possible. I mean, of course it is possible! hah, but I’m just happy to see it. Anyways, back to studying…
I have to tell you, this is how I felt about politics. You know, I’m pretty proud of my accomplishments, but I can’t live life proving that I can succeed and mind-numbing eyeball scratching, clawing my way to the top. I don’t really need to prove talent to myself. More than anything, if I could float through life listening to music, eating, drinking, and being merry, a career in something doesn’t sound so enticing.
Where I was working in Virginia, it was really fascinating to watch statewide politics. The party decided who they wanted to target, and because it’s all about money, it’s useless to try to build relationships. Field workers are just there to make sure people get their chum. I’m surprised my candidate could even remember my name.…. i’d be here typing all day to illustrate how ‘f’d’ up it all is.
And I hated most when people just assumed you couldn’t understand their strategies. And you get to the office the next day after working around the clock to learn that a plan has changed based on a luncheon they’d all had together while you were on the phones begging for votes all day.
And don’t get me started on how they were soooooo happy that a black girl was sent from d.c. because i provided just the right diversity they needed. I’m was thinking, “um, assholes, I’m not like, the black people whisperer. I was raised wealthy and on production sets. These people would be more comfortable with a redneck than my alien species of black.” …sigh. But of course, I had to go to church every sunday with my candidate. I WAS RAISED LUTHERAN, not southern baptist. The only time i waived my hand in the air at church was to swat a gnat. I look just as uncoordinated as you, miss California Hippie Candidate!