Category Archives: poems

Some things are better than no things (a response, of sort, to Mr. Collins)

You ask why this love for the petty things,
part nat­ural, part affec­ta­tion–
and my answer’s sub­jec­tive, of course.

That morn­ing flower, the fly on my wine­glass–
the mouse turds on my kitchen counter are
proof my kitchen is worth tra­verse by small and large life alike.

I don’t know any­thing about Philip Larkin
or why he’s your death’s head–
I’m just start­ing to learn about poems.

But I do know this much.
The bud­ding for­sythia in early spring,
the sugar I put in my tea to tem­per the bitter.

Those things save me from think­ing about the
howl­ing void in my heart,
and no, I’m not try­ing to be melodramatic.

Some­days, those no things are all I can take, in con­trast to what you sug­gest.
What you sug­gest can’t bear con­tem­pla­tion,
not with­out self-annihilation.

Some of us, dear Mr. Collins, we should not,
can­not all be alone in our rooms,
throw­ing our­selves against the wall of life.

That thrust does not oppose the wall of death–
it is the same thing, because in the throw­ing,
some of us don’t know when to stop.

In hurl­ing at the ques­tion of mean­ing,
the enigma of ori­gins,
we can­not dis­cern our selves– others.

Bet­ter the fire­fly,
the droplet on the green leaf,
the fra­grant soap in the tub that slick­ens and scrubs.

Each small beauty leaves us touched with its grace,
grate­ful and cleansed with the notion of some thing
smaller than some­thing large– existential.

Smaller than some thing that con­tem­plates
whether we are some one or no one,
have accom­plished some thing or no thing at all.

The maul of sense, in those cir­cum­stances,
would be to dwell on those no things
not petty or affected at all.

We solve no great mys­ter­ies, but we are some things rather than no things.

(With apolo­gies and ref­er­ences to Billy Collins’ “No Things” from Bal­lis­tics, 2008.)

Desperate for Par (ruminations on retail)

Des­per­ate for Par

It’s a note my coworker left me on top of one of the tills in the safe,
an echo of a phrase I used once in pass­ing.
A joke.  Sort of.
We were so out of ones, fives and rolled coin
it was giggle-inducing.
Hol­i­days work­ing in retail make you punchy like that.

It’s meta, that com­ment.
She’s home­sick for the South, just a bit,
hav­ing just moved here and all.
I’ve got my usual things– life, the uni­verse,
every­thing.  (Shelved in Sci-Fi, upstairs,
to the right, straight off the esca­la­tor, under Adams.
Yes, sir.  A-D-A-M-S.  The sec­tion starts with the As.)

Aren’t we all des­per­ate for par?
They make med­ica­tion for that con­di­tion.
Some­times I even take mine.
Since right now it’s the turn of the year,
the store’s got tables full of self-help books
(and don’t get me started on all the diet and cook­book dis­plays)
to cater to that very human desire.

Equi­lib­rium.
Bal­ance.
The need to fit within some pre-set, well-defined range.

It’s not like the list in the cash­room,
the one that tells me to keep the
fives between forty-five and sixty dol­lars,
just for exam­ple.
It’d be nice to always know where the bound­aries lie.

All those books out on the floor and yet,
for all the mer­chan­dise signs,
spe­cial stick­ers and shelv­ing dis­plays,
there’s no blink­ing arrow,
no spe­cial tag that car­ries the mes­sage the cus­tomers crave.

Roadmap to Life.
Inner Peace Here.
Guara­teed Bal­ance.
Achieve and Main­tain Your Par Values.

Most days, I’m more than will­ing to fudge the num­ber of tens, so long as I’ve got enough ones, rolled quar­ters, nick­els and fives.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” is a big-selling title.

Juxtapose

It’s funny– pecu­liar and hah-hah, too, I sup­pose–
how a fla­vor– a food– a con­cept I loathe,
pep­per­mint,
can be cured by another.
Taffy.

Saint Rossmore

Early on Sun­day at the laun­dry
and Sec­re­tary Clin­ton just unloaded an oh-no-she-did-not diss on Pres­i­dent Karzai.
Not that he didn’t deserve it, of course.
The cen­trifuge on the (coin-op, of course) washer in our base­ment gave out—
I warned the land­lord that the tub seemed to be leak­ing,
lovely peo­ple, but still, cheap bas­tards.
(Here I am, thirty-five, still rent­ing.
I got all my best study­ing in grad school done before noon, Sun­days, at the Found Sock in Brighton.
Today it’s the Ross­more in JP.)

Funny how you for­get things like that for a while until some­thing hap­pens to make you recall.
Sec­re­tary Gates is really well-spoken, I see.
This not hav­ing a TV thing might be over­rated now that we’ve a decent admin­is­tra­tion again.
And gosh, doesn’t George Stephanopou­los look old, although Mrs. Clin­ton looks not as aged by her job as she could.
Makes me glad to be a Seven Sis­ters grad, the first time I’ve had that thought in a while.
I do admire a plain-spoken woman.
The Sabbath-day gas­bag shows (bless Calvin Trillin for that) play on a flat panel HD dis­play
while my laun­dry churns in the dri­ers and I type on my lap­top,
and Spanish-speaking tod­dlers stomp by in over­sized, sparkling, cartoon-character snow­boots.
Dora the Explorer, Trans­form­ers and Star Wars.

First snow­fall, yes­ter­day, early Decem­ber, and the fresh snow clings to the elec­tri­cal lines,
the tops of the bus signs,
the bushes and trees as I drove home last night after clos­ing the book­store,
my usual drive home through bucolic sub­ur­bia trans­formed–
not so much win­ter won­der­land as sparkling, unplowed,
fol­low­ing a Toy­ota Camry with Mass plates who can’t drive in a half-inch of snow.
Same thing every year.

My Nordic-style hand­made cash­mere mit­tens knit by my best friend and her wife–
the ones they gave me for my help with their wed­ding
(not as much as they seemed to think, really, I was in the midst of another damned melt­down)
did an admirable job of clear­ing the snow from my wind­shield,
since of course I’d for­got­ten my brush and my scraper.
(Yes, I had known the fore­cast. I for­got the scraper, regardless.)

Now Russ Feingold’s on the TV, and I’m almost done with my fair-trade cof­fee
(in its recy­cled paper cup and corn­starch plas­tic lid, bien sur)
to go from the cof­fee shop ‘round the cor­ner and Russ is old, too.
I remem­ber when he first ran for Sen­ate.
I was writ­ing for the col­lege news­pa­per then—
I think I wrote an op-ed piece for the Col­lege Democ­rats, even,
along with the piece I wrote cov­er­ing when Clin­ton (the hus­band) cam­paigned in Boston.
My room­mate sat on my shoul­ders so she could snap a good pic­ture.
He stopped—turned—smiled—waved at her. At us.
He was like that. Is still, I sup­pose.
It’s been a while since I’ve paid much mind to pol­i­tics except my duty to vote.
It was a fab­u­lous picture—we were both so excited back then.

The laundromat’s fill­ing, peo­ple lug­ging in laun­dry in their “suit­cases of the world”—
you know the ones—those huge faux-plaid plas­tic bags with the han­dles you get at the dol­lar store.
The pot­ted ferns, spi­der plants, antique wash­boards hung on sup­port posts,
bright-painted walls and old, molded fiber­glass chairs are cacoph­o­nous col­ors.
I bought one, once, one of those big han­dle bags.
It broke, fairly quickly—I think I over­loaded it,
drag­ging it up and down stairs try­ing to do—
sur­prise, surprise—dirty laun­dry.
I’ve always sus­pected I car­ried around too much baggage.

Good lord, there’s wi-fi and the snack machines are much bet­ter than those at the Found Sock ever were—
water, dried fruit and trail mix, yogurt raisins on top of the soda and chips–
and usu­ally I wouldn’t bring the laun­dry here to do it myself–
I’d drop it off for the nice older man to do by the pound, the one who calls me sweet­heart and dear
and folds my bras and under­wear just so– what must it be like?
Han­dling other people’s dirty laun­dry for work with a smile?
It’s a beau­ti­ful smile.
He’s got more grace—capital G Grace– than I’ll ever have.
He lent me his cen­trifuge in the back when I came in this morn­ing,
to spin off the worst from my sopping-wet clothes.

Two Clin­ton terms, two Bush terms, one half of an Obama term later—
grad school and an attempt at a career and now I’m start­ing over again, sort of and yet not—
is thirty-five too early for a mid-life cri­sis if I’ve already had one or two
(fine, more than that, but if I keep too strict a count I’ll need more ther­apy than I’m already in)–
when I go home am I going to be as weath­ered and wise as Hilary and Russ and Robert and George?
Or am I going to look like a bear who’s just woken from a long hiber­na­tion,
bleary and leaves mat­ted in dirty old fur?

I awake early on Sun­day at the laun­dry—
to some­thing that’s the same and yet dif­fer­ent, big­ger and brighter,
three point five miles south­west from where adult­hood (of some kind) began,
with a hus­band who makes me laugh,
with con­tents of pantry and book­shelves and med­i­cine cab­i­net to make me feel bet­ter,
a lap­top to write poetry upon–
and Saint Ross­more bustling by every so often to say—
“You’ve got a minute left on your load, dar­lin’. You might want to check.”

Yes, sir. I might.
Thank you for the reminder.
Would you like to come home with me?
Keep watch over every­thing else?

Bet­ter not ask.
Instead, I think I’ll go home.
I’ve got more laun­dry I can bring back and hand over the counter.

Advice to a new head cashier

Large denom­i­na­tions are change­able,
but when you’re out of pen­nies and ones, you’re in real trou­ble.
It’s an exis­ten­tial life les­son, sure,
we’re all alone in the end,
but mostly, just make sure you have enough pen­nies and ones.

The ladies with Prada purses and Louis Vuit­ton wal­lets
don’t always expect you to make an excep­tion for their returns.
The men in sweat­shirts, old jeans and sneak­ers do– some­times.
You’ll learn to ignore who’s buy­ing porn and mag­a­zines about hand­guns.
Peo­ple are just weird.

Every week­end and some Fri­day nights,
kids will run in the store and play on the esca­la­tor.
You will sound like every adult you ever hated who yelled “that’s not a toy,“
and you’ll grum­ble “where the hell are their par­ents” as you ring out each sale.
It’s okay.  I do it, too.

Milk choco­late bars, bags of cashews, plain almonds–
those sell like hot­cakes.
Mixed nuts, rasp­berry dark, pre-orders of some­thing we don’t have yet in stock?
Not so much.
But just like you love some of your fam­ily more than the oth­ers, push them all just the same.

Peo­ple will always swipe before you’ve totalled them out.
There are those who never make eye con­tact.
You will have a day, at least once a month, when you will be the only per­son
to smile at your cus­tomer, or look them in the eye, or com­pli­ment them on their sweater.
Com­pli­ment them on their sweater– even if the cus­tomer before was a jerk and you’re feel­ing grumpy.

You can’t make every­one happy– often, it’s not even your fault.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try.
It’s pos­si­ble to spend every spare minute dust­ing or squar­ing off the dis­plays,
restock­ing best­sellers and mag­a­zines.
It’s okay to chat, veg out, write poetry, too.

The book alarm sys­tem and the microwave in the cafe sound almost the same–
you’ll learn the dif­fer­ence quickly enough.
And– this is a big­gie.  Just because they buy books,
doesn’t mean they have any taste.
We all mock the cus­tomers some­times– after they’re gone.

You will always buy too many books.
Gift and news will always look like a war zone five min­utes after you’ve tidied.
The bathroom’s through the mid­dle, in the back.
Call the man­ager on duty before you go on your break.
Our mem­ber­ship pro­gram really is a good deal– and don’t we all want to belong?

Still, though– make sure you have enough pen­nies and ones.