Category Archives: nerd

Sunday Morning Breakfast Ruminations

The Inter­net, besides being the source of all knowl­edge, porn and fan­fic­tion (and, erm, we’ll get to that shame­ful new addic­tion of mine some other time, mmkay?) is also a source of new words, abbre­vi­a­tions and phrases, although some­times it’s just respon­si­ble for mak­ing those words from music/tv/press go “viral.” (See, that’s a very Intar­webz word, too.)  With­out teh Intar­webz, how would I know of the addi­tions to the lex­i­con that are: nom, “i can haz,” LOL, kthxbai, “oh hai,” (hmm, clearly I read too much LOL­cats) GQMF (GQ Moth­er­fucker), mmkay, FAIL, EPIC, and ‘EPIC FAIL’ (a thing of beauty for­ever), ‘for the win,’ LMAO plus its var­i­ous iter­a­tions, and MOAR.  And let’s not for­get “you win the Internet.”

See, no, ‘MOAR’ is not a word,” the Bet­ter Half sput­tered and fumed.  “Dif­fer­ent spellings don’t count.  They just don’t.”  His voice rose and he stood behind his chair, so indig­nant that he ignored his pan­cakes.  (That’s a lot of indig­na­tion.  The BH is quite devoted to pancakes.)

No, it counts,” I said calmly, putting on my “I can ratio­nal­ize any­thing with logical-sounding total bull­shit” lawyer hat.  “See, ‘more’ as a word fails to encom­pass the con­cept of ‘MOAR,’ because the orig­i­nal word fails to encom­pass the sense of com­plete and total AWSUM that some­thing can have in a way that fore­closes any­thing ever being bet­ter than the thing being described as ‘MOAR.’”

I have never heard a more indig­nant series of “tsks” and exas­per­ated breath­ing, nor have I ever seen some­one turn vig­or­ous eye-rolling into a full body event.  Sweetie, you win the Inter­net.  And the eye-rolling Olympics.  But I still need you to main­tain this web­site, because I can haz band­width?  Kthxbai.

We are now those people

Sun­day night the Bet­ter Half and I went to the movies and real­ized that we are now those peo­ple we used to mock as we sat mak­ing out with our high school dates, snarfling pop­corn and candy like calo­ries were irrel­e­vant and oth­er­wise liv­ing ado­les­cent, ego-centric lives.  Not so now.

We got off the sub­way and came up to street level and made our first and most impor­tant stop: the CVS, home of cheaper soda, candy and nuts than the movies.  Eleven bucks yielded diet soda, San Pel­le­grino, Milk Duds, Peanut M & Ms (i.e., the world’s most nutri­tion­ally com­plete candy) and a bag of (shelled) pis­ta­chios.  That same money would just earn you the right to order in the the­ater.  Food shop­ping accom­plished, I stuffed these healthy snacks into my purse so that the folks at the the­ater would not send me away for bring­ing some­what afford­able food inside.

Next, we pur­chased our tick­ets and pro­ceeded to our assigned the­ater.  Along the way, I became Extremely Antsy and just man­aged to sti­fle the fol­low­ing inner tirade: “What’s wrong with this stu­pid teenager in front of me?  He’s on his phone, weav­ing like he’s drunk in pants hang­ing off his ass and it’s impos­si­ble to go around him, he’s so unpre­dictable and IF I DON’T GET A GOOD SEAT BECAUSE OF HIM I AM GOING TO BE MAD.”  Ahem.  So, yeah, I kept that part quiet.  (You’re wel­come, sweetheart.)

Then, seats found, we dis­cussed var­i­ous items of inter­na­tional polit­i­cal import while ignor­ing the TWENTY MINUTES of ads and prod­uct place­ments and web-only trailer pro­mo­tions before we even got to the actual pre­views, dur­ing which there were more ads.  I did declare it then and declare it so now– the stuff on that screen before the actual movie shall hence­forth be known as TrailerTrash.

And then the movie came– we laughed, I got weepy at one point, and we both had a grand old time right through the end.  Includ­ing the end of the cred­its.  All of them.  We were the last ones in the the­ater while the cleanup crew hugged the walls want­ing to know why the hell we cared about Foley Artists.  (We just do, alright?)

So yeah– we are food-smuggling, credit-watching, trailer-ignoring cranky old peo­ple.  We didn’t even kick the back of anyone’s seat.  What’s up with THAT?

(We saw Star Trek.  It was really, really, really fun, and the Kirk/Spock dynamic was really well done.  I knew I was always a Trekkie, but I didn’t think I was that much of a geek until I caught myself wait­ing for them to trot out every character’s catch phrase or man­ner­ism.   At least I didn’t whine that the dimen­sions of the “Real” Enter­prise were much smaller than the ones in the movie.  *Cough* Bet­ter Half *Cough*.)

The Lingering Effects of Harry Potter

I was brows­ing at the shrine to the “Twi­light” vam­pire series at one the down­town chain book­store that has a decent sci-fi/fantasy and poetry sec­tion and observed the after­math of the Harry Pot­ter books.  I’ve never read these books, but I see peo­ple of all dif­fer­ent ages and social groups read­ing them on the train (much like Harry Pot­ter) that I wanted to flip through them.  So I’m read­ing through parts of the four? one mil­lion? in the series when I hear two younger male voices to my left.

Nah, man, that movie adap­ta­tion was lousy, and the way I pic­tured them, they just didn’t look like that in the movie.”

Yeah.  And they really left out major plot points.  I kind of hope they don’t do any more movies because it kinda ruins my enjoy­ment of the books.”

I look up, and there are two boys, 17–19-ish in local col­lege sweat­shirts, jock builds and hair­cuts, and by all accounts just your nor­mal teenage boys.  So I ask–

Are they any good?  I’ve never read them, I’m more of a swords & sor­cery type, but I see every­one read­ing them…”

They both became quite eager to tell me that while “her writing’s kinda spotty, the char­ac­ter inter­ac­tions are amaz­ing and the story’s com­pelling.”

The taller, scruffier, more jock-like one then says “Yeah.  The Edward/Bella thing is awe­some.  I love all that girly stuff.”

The other one nods.  “I’ve got all the High School Musi­cals on DVD.”

So then I repeat I’m not fond of vampires.

Says the tall scruffy one who loves girly stuff– “Well, they’re not as vio­lent as the Anne Rice ones or as kinky and weird as the Lau­rell Hamil­ton ones.  They’re good.  It’s mostly romance and teen angst with vam­pires thrown in for adventure.”

I ask where these books rate com­pared with Harry Pot­ter or Phillip Pull­man, and they both go “Pull­man,” with­out miss­ing a beat.  Then the girly stuff one says, “Of course Pullman’s way bet­ter.  But these ones are good.”

Then the qui­eter one says “What kind of sword & sor­cery stuff?”

I ask him who else he’s read, and he tells me the usual sus­pects (Robert Jor­dan, et. al.), so I say “Eliz­a­beth Moon and Lois McMas­ter Bujold both have action-packed but character-driven sci fi and fan­tasy books with strong nar­ra­tives,” and the he tells me he’s heard that Moon wrote some “Deed of Paks-se-something” (Pak­sen­nar­ion) series that he’s sup­posed to read.

I tell him that yes, he should read it, and that it’s Tolkein­ish with­out being quite so dry.

Is it epic?  I love epic shit.”

I laugh and con­firm that it’s epic.

The other one says “Man, I tried Tolkien but all that poetry and stuff, it breaks up the story and it’s kind of stilted and disjointed.”

I tell them both to read more fan­tasy, then go back later and they’ll enjoy see­ing where ALL the basic themes for fan­tasy books come from.

The quiet one then says “Oh– so it’s like meta-fantasy, hunh?”

I nod.  He looks at me again.  “Eliz­a­beth Moon?”  I nod again.  “Thanks.”

Come on, dude,” he says to his com­pan­ion, and off they saunter, directly to the sci-fi/fantasy section.

Any­one who thought Harry Pot­ter was a one-off sen­sa­tion is nuts.  These two teen boys got all con-crit in a down­town Bor­ders.  I was so charmed and delighted I wanted to invite them home, make them tomato soup and grilled cheese, and say “Have at them, Boys,” while point­ing at my bookshelves.

Although now that I think of it, I should have rec­om­mended the Patrick O’Brien series.

Poll

The Bet­ter Half does many things at work, some in his job descrip­tion, and many, many more not.  One of the thing’s that’s actu­ally in his job descrip­tion is mar­ket­ing, and he’s more than a bit of a nerd about it.    And more than a bit of a nerd, gen­er­ally– he’ll read me some­thing about typog­ra­phy or trans­porta­tion or God-knows-what of teh Intar­webs, and when I ask him how he got there, it was from some­thing only tan­gen­tially related that he read twenty min­utes ago.  Teh Intar­webs are good for peo­ple with Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (“Run and find out!”) inter­ests.  But fonts and web and book design and roads and canals and bridges and motor­ized stuff?  Awww, yeah.  He’s the nerd­mas­ter.  (Which is good.  I am a nerd and I do love  a nerdy man.)

So when peo­ple call the house to ask if we’ll answer a sur­vey, he often says yes, partly because he wishes more peo­ple would give mar­ket­ing feed­back to his com­pany, but partly because he’s inter­ested in the design and con­tent of other people’s sur­veys.  Yep.  He’s get­ting meta on the pollsters.

But usu­ally, the sur­veys don’t take twenty min­utes, like they did the other night.  I’d made meat and onions for Super Taco Salad and when he got home he agreed to assem­ble it.  Except then the phone rang, and twenty min­utes later I’m all “Where’s my damned taco salad?” and he’s still choos­ing answers ranked from zero to five.  I mean, what the heck?

My answer came ten min­utes later (and I say, yet again, how long does it take to answer a phone sur­vey, much less make me my damned taco salad?).

Who was that?”

Amtrak– wanted to know what we thought about the Acela line service.”

Ah.  A mar­ket­ing sur­vey about super­fast trains.  It’s a won­der he wasn’t on the phone longer, ask­ing the guy ques­tions back– or offer­ing to go over to his place to redesign those sur­vey ele­ments he thought were less effective.

At least I got my damned salad.

Those Evil Online Booksellers

There’s an inter­est­ing arti­cle in the New York Times about the effect of online book sales on small book­stores– espe­cially the effect of resales on authors and stores.

I admit that I have bought my fair share of new books from Ama­zon, or gone to a box store like Bor­ders or Barnes and Noble.  I don’t buy many used books, unlike my Dad, who loves Alib­ris almost as much as he loves his own kids, but I’m not an aca­d­e­mic, either, so I’m not chas­ing down obscure or out of print books most of the time.  And I have no doubt that this has had a real effect– I can see it in what ought to be the book mecca– Har­vard Square.  Now those won­der­ful days I spent as a kid and teenager mooching in the paper­back sci-fi & fan­tasy aisles at as many as three stores are gone.  The Har­vard Coop is run by B & N, and there’s one general-interest book­store (ONE, peo­ple) left in the square.  I try to buy there as often as pos­si­ble, but it really is over the river and through the woods for me, so it’s some­place I have to make a trip to get to.

But here’s the thing– and it’s some­thing the arti­cle doesn’t address.  They’re talk­ing about good, well-run small book­stores.  The ones who put care and deep thought into their selec­tions, and who pay atten­tion to inven­tory and what peo­ple come in ask­ing for.

Even liv­ing in Boston, I some­times have trou­ble find­ing a book that I need.  The only reli­able “small” book­stores, i.e., non-chains, are Book­smith and the New Eng­land Mobile Book Fair, aka King Tut’s Tomb.

Oth­er­wise?  Well, I live in a neigh­bor­hood in Boston that does have its own book­store– except it’s a spe­cialty book­store, and tends to carry mostly non­fic­tion and fic­tion works with an African-American or His­panic bent.  Which is fine for learn­ing new things, but when I need to find some­thing spe­cific that someone’s expressed a wish for, this isn’t the place to find it.

And the other nearby Book­store, which I desparately want to be able to shop at because it’s a sweet lit­tle store in a “down­town” where I can buy meat from a butcher, veg­gies and spices from the mid­dle east pro­duce ven­dor, cheese from a spe­cialty shop, nice tchotchkes from a nice lady in an airy, bright cor­ner store.  But the last three times I’ve gone in there, look­ing for non-obscure books, she hasn’t had any of them.

This last time I needed a book (and yes, shame on me for leav­ing Christ­mas shop­ping until the week before Christ­mas, but hey, crazy lady with a job, here) I delib­er­ately didn’t order two books from ama­zon on the the­ory that both had been well-reviewed and there­fore would be avail­able in an area book­store.  Boy.  I was wrong.   One of the books I wanted to give as a gift was a cooking/travel book that was on everyone’s best­seller lists a year ago, and came out in paper­back this sum­mer– it was well regarded in the lit­er­ary press, and was in the line of those Anthony Bour­dain books that sold like gang­busters.  Seemed safe to believe most sell­ers would carry it.

The other one, Dear Amer­i­can Air­lines, which is both fun­nier than David Sedaris and more poignant and heart­break­ing than Wally Lamb, has got­ten good reviews in major papers, and even ended up on some “best of the year” lists.  And yet, when I asked the pro­pri­et­ess if she had either, she gave me a look and said “never heard of them.”  She looked them up in her com­puter, and said, “Oh, no, I’ve never car­ried either of them.”  I found it hard to con­tain my sur­prise as to the lat­ter book, so I said “Really?  The Miles book had a very, very good review in the New York Times’ Sun­day Book Review.”

Okay.  Look.  I can under­stand that not every­one reads the Sun­day Book Review.  There are lots of bet­ter things to do with your time, really.  But if you’re a book­seller?  Espe­cially one on the East Coast?  Espe­cially one in Boston, where the books on the train are still an excel­lent sur­vey of real fic­tion and non­fic­tion?  Well, I hope you’ll agree that my flab­ber­gast­ed­ness (is that a word? I declare it so.) was rea­son­able when she answered me.

Oh, I don’t read that.”

And that, right there, is the prob­lem with many smaller brick and mor­tar book­stores.  If I have time, I will go to the trou­ble of order­ing some­thing ahead of time to go pick up– or will plan ahead enough so I have time to go to mul­ti­ple indie stores in one day.  But if I go in need­ing some­thing in par­tic­u­lar, or I’m in the mood to just browse, and the seller’s one of those peo­ple who thinks it would be “fun” to own a book­store, well, you’re just not going to have what I’m look­ing for  or will be inter­ested in buy­ing if you’re only buy­ing off the rec­om­mended list from your dis­trib­u­tor, or what­ever Oprah’s fea­tur­ing this month.  I have encoun­tered this prob­lem more times than I can count.  Good books that get good reviews in major book review pub­li­ca­tions, and they don’t even have one copy– con­sis­tently, every time I go look­ing for a copy.  It makes me sad, because I really would love that square to have a book­store.  But how could I pos­si­bly keep patron­iz­ing a book­store whose pro­pri­etress is so clue­less?  It’s like bang­ing my head against a brick and mor­tar store.  I’ve walked out of there empty-handed too often, and me walk­ing empty-handed out of a book­store is like the sun not ris­ing every day.

Maybe I’m a book­snob.  But if you want me to patron­ize your store?  Please carry at least some of the seriously-reviewed books of the year.  And if I say something’s been well-reviewed in such-and-such pub­li­ca­tion, at least have the audac­ity to lie to me and say you’re fresh out.  Then take note– and go read it.  You might make me believe you did order the one or two copies your small store had room for, and I might actu­ally come back.  I know it takes time.  I know it takes effort and thought.  But if you’re seri­ous about books, and seri­ous about own­ing a book­stores (two dif­fer­ent things, I know), then please, please, do it.

Instead?  The BH had to buy the cook/travel book at the B & N in Har­vard Square, and the Dear Amer­can Air­lines at the Bor­ders down­town.  And a cute lit­tle store in a cute lit­tle neigh­bor­hood lost a customer.