Category Archives: crank

Skinny jeans (not skinny genes)

I’ve been wear­ing my wed­ding rings on my right hand the last two weeks or so.

Not out of some desire to throw peo­ple off or attract suit­ors– just because they’re too floppy on my left hand.  I don’t remem­ber how much I weighed when I got mar­ried– but safe to say– more than now– since the engage­ment ring, the wed­ding band we bought right after law school, back when I had plenty of peo­ple I could date before the BH and I got together?  Then, they fit on my left hand.  Now?  Well, they don’t.

I haven’t yet bought ring guards so I can slide them back into their proper place.  Or thought about hav­ing them resized, since the wed­ding band’s curved on the inside and can’t be.  I’ll have to replace it and I’m super­sti­tious as is.

Nor have I bought new, skinny jeans, even though the can­vas cargo pants that are my usual kick-around not-at-work pants (again, bought from the Gap in law school when I was per­fectly healthy and, I think, a size 12? memory’s fal­li­ble and I am an ancient 35, how on Earth can I be expected to ever recall what went on over 10 years ago?)  are also loose, the draw­string waist paper-bagged and the size 14 petite jeans baggy at waist and ass, drag­ging low over ilia if I don’t wear a belt.

But I’m super­sti­tious, you see.  I keep wait­ing for the weight to creep up again, because sure, it’s been almost a month now off the med that’s been mak­ing me sick and I’m hold­ing steady at 157.2 (when was the last time I weighed that?  Vale­dic­to­rian in high school?) because the other med sup­presses appetite too, minus the whole home­o­sta­tic and stom­ach upheaval thing– and our fam­ily, we’re not known for our skinny genes.  Mom’s 300+ and just had a her­nia oper­a­tion, busted a gut eat­ing her sec­ond dou­ble cheese­burger at Mickey D’s (and no, I’m not kid­ding).  Dad’s over 200 and hold­ing despite how hard he works on the tread­mill and exer­cise bike, and Lit­tle Brother, 6’3″ and more ath­letic than I’ll ever be– if he looks at a carb the wrong way, he puts on weight too.

If I buy the size 12s, or hell, the size 10s because appar­ently, that’s what I am at Ann Tay­lor Loft (and isn’t that a whole new iden­tity cri­sis, find­ing out all over again what fits because hell if I know and they keep chang­ing wom­ens’ sizes across brands and over the years so who the heck knows?) and yes­ter­day I got so pissed when I went into J. Crew to look for a leather bag and the skinny chicks fawned all over me because … oh.  I was a skinny chick too, and some of the clothes they had might even fit me– might even look good.

I beat it out of there quickly.

It hadn’t even occurred to me to go in there to try on some clothes, I was only going to do that at J. Jill and Chico’s, the refuge of women with soft­en­ing waist­lines and real bod­ies all over.  So I did that, and guess what?  Now I’m a M, where I was a L/XL, and I left more weirded out than before with only one new out­fit to show for the trip, and feel­ing very unset­tled for my lunch with my friend before work.  I made sure to order the o-rings with extra tar­tar sauce on the side.

But my tenth wed­ding anniversary’s com­ing up in Novem­ber.  I guess that’s a good bench­mark for all kinds of things–ring guards for left-handed ring wear­ing– maybe a trip to the mall.  By that time, well, I’ll prob­a­bly still be a fat girl in my head (I think those of us who are fat kids will always be, some­what, no mat­ter how we look on the out­side)– but I can at least dress so I’m not so saggy-baggy and left­over look­ing on the outside.

Clothes make the man, right?  Maybe they can re-make the woman a bit, work­ing out­wardly in.

Annals of electioneering

Yes­ter­day was the may­oral and city coun­cil pri­mary in town– now, Boston’s had the same mayor for six­teen years. We do that– unless something’s hor­ri­bly bro­ken, we mud­dle along. Hell, I some­times think Ray Flynn would still be mayor if he hadn’t been gun­ning for that Vat­i­can Ambas­sador thing– though really, and not to slam on the Catholics, but … Vat­i­can Ambas­sador? Not sexy, Ray.

Dur­ing the last may­oral race, there was one chal­lenger, a long-time coun­cil­lor whose theme was essen­tially “We can do better.”

Eh. She didn’t get many votes.

This time, though, there were almost a half-dozen chal­lengers for the may­oral seat, includ­ing a repub­li­can (a thing hardly heard of in munic­i­pal pol­i­tics) and a young councillor-at-large whose elec­tion was excit­ing when he first got his seat four years ago, sim­ply because he’s the first Asian-American to get a seat in Boston, as well as a teacher by pro­fes­sion. We’re a pretty white town when it comes to the politi­cians who get elected, so it was excit­ing to elect him and then see him be re-elected two years later. There were a num­ber of other can­di­dates, clearly, and for the first time in a while the councillor-at-large posi­tion was also con­tested enough to be sub­ject to the pri­mary, because this man was run­ning for mayor.

He didn’t make the cut for the gen­eral elec­tion– the more estab­lished city coun­cil­lor run­ning did that, and now Boston’s out a minor­ity at-large coun­cil­lor who (so far as these things go, which isn’t far, Boston’s exec­u­tive is very, very strong) did some good work for the neigh­bor­hoods and was at least a young voice with a dif­fer­ent per­spec­tive. There’s per­haps a longer post in here about expe­ri­ence or hubris or per­haps racism beyond a cer­tain layer of pol­i­tics, but to me, the fac­tor was this– he just hadn’t been doing this long enough for me to want to put him in as mayor.

I also didn’t vote for him, though, for the same rea­son I didn’t vote for other candidates.

I have had 56 pre-recorded tele­phone calls from that can­di­date and sev­eral other may­oral can­di­dates as well as some of the at-large con­tenders in the last month. 56. Includ­ing twice a day from this “young, excit­ing” may­oral can­di­date and another man run­ning for the at-large position.

You know– the Do Not Call list exists for a rea­son, and just because you’re a non-profit caller doesn’t mean peo­ple don’t find repeated calls extremely annoy­ing. A pre-recorded mes­sage ask­ing me to vote for you is not impres­sive. A pre-recorded mes­sage ask­ing me to vote for you fea­tur­ing voice record­ings from “ordi­nary peo­ple” that are cut off or gar­bled or non­sen­si­cal in their con­tent? I’m going to tell peo­ple what a pain in the ass your cam­paign is– which I also did when some of these sup­port­ers accosted me on the way into my polling place.

No, I won’t be vot­ing for X,” I said when they asked. “Your campaign’s been ring­ing my phone off the hook and it’s a nui­sance.” The vol­un­teer pooh-poohed it, but when I said “Twice a day,” she did look a lit­tle concerned.

Okay– I am being a bit of a crank here. As I said, I voted for some­body else because I didn’t think Excit­ing Young Man had the expe­ri­ence (and yes, the BH did crack on the com­par­i­son with our Pres­i­dent, but still, this can­di­date was no Barack Obama)– but hon­estly? If I don’t know any­thing about you except what you put out there in the media? The phone calls are a strikeout.

Rah. Damned elec­tion­eer­ing kids on my lawn, clog­ging my phone lines.

And … though expe­ri­ence counts, I will note that the peo­ple who came out on top in yesterday’s vot­ing were not the ones who were call­ing morn­ing, noon and night.

So– dear city elec­tion can­di­dates– Do Not Call with auto­mated mes­sages. The old ways of signs and per­sonal calls and vol­un­teers ring­ing on door­bells isn’t nearly so annoy­ing. Mmkay?

We are now those people

Sun­day night the Bet­ter Half and I went to the movies and real­ized that we are now those peo­ple we used to mock as we sat mak­ing out with our high school dates, snarfling pop­corn and candy like calo­ries were irrel­e­vant and oth­er­wise liv­ing ado­les­cent, ego-centric lives.  Not so now.

We got off the sub­way and came up to street level and made our first and most impor­tant stop: the CVS, home of cheaper soda, candy and nuts than the movies.  Eleven bucks yielded diet soda, San Pel­le­grino, Milk Duds, Peanut M & Ms (i.e., the world’s most nutri­tion­ally com­plete candy) and a bag of (shelled) pis­ta­chios.  That same money would just earn you the right to order in the the­ater.  Food shop­ping accom­plished, I stuffed these healthy snacks into my purse so that the folks at the the­ater would not send me away for bring­ing some­what afford­able food inside.

Next, we pur­chased our tick­ets and pro­ceeded to our assigned the­ater.  Along the way, I became Extremely Antsy and just man­aged to sti­fle the fol­low­ing inner tirade: “What’s wrong with this stu­pid teenager in front of me?  He’s on his phone, weav­ing like he’s drunk in pants hang­ing off his ass and it’s impos­si­ble to go around him, he’s so unpre­dictable and IF I DON’T GET A GOOD SEAT BECAUSE OF HIM I AM GOING TO BE MAD.”  Ahem.  So, yeah, I kept that part quiet.  (You’re wel­come, sweetheart.)

Then, seats found, we dis­cussed var­i­ous items of inter­na­tional polit­i­cal import while ignor­ing the TWENTY MINUTES of ads and prod­uct place­ments and web-only trailer pro­mo­tions before we even got to the actual pre­views, dur­ing which there were more ads.  I did declare it then and declare it so now– the stuff on that screen before the actual movie shall hence­forth be known as TrailerTrash.

And then the movie came– we laughed, I got weepy at one point, and we both had a grand old time right through the end.  Includ­ing the end of the cred­its.  All of them.  We were the last ones in the the­ater while the cleanup crew hugged the walls want­ing to know why the hell we cared about Foley Artists.  (We just do, alright?)

So yeah– we are food-smuggling, credit-watching, trailer-ignoring cranky old peo­ple.  We didn’t even kick the back of anyone’s seat.  What’s up with THAT?

(We saw Star Trek.  It was really, really, really fun, and the Kirk/Spock dynamic was really well done.  I knew I was always a Trekkie, but I didn’t think I was that much of a geek until I caught myself wait­ing for them to trot out every character’s catch phrase or man­ner­ism.   At least I didn’t whine that the dimen­sions of the “Real” Enter­prise were much smaller than the ones in the movie.  *Cough* Bet­ter Half *Cough*.)

All it takes

Grumpy day.  Park­ing lot mis­un­der­stand­ings.  Vehi­cle keys bro­ken, a trek home to get one that worked.  Grumpy, weepy, mad at myself and the world.  For­tu­nately, the tow yard was near the T.  For­tu­nately, the hock for get­ting the car out wasn’t too high.  And for­tu­nately, I had exact change, because oth­er­wise I still would have felt grumpy.

After the tow-lot fella with the side­ways cap and the grimy Celtics hoodie and thick South Boston accent con­firmed that I had cash, not checks or credit cards, he said “Gee, I hope you’ve got change, ‘cuz Dude, I’m all out.”

I love being called Dude.  Espe­cially when I’m in a suit.  It makes me feel un-stuffy.  So I said “I’ve got exact change, actu­ally, sin­gles and coins.”

I hand over the cash with a slight smile, and he bursts out into a grin.  “Who’s bet­ter than you?  No one !” he said.  And at that moment, it felt like it.

Thanks, tow-lot fella.  Who’s bet­ter than you?  No one.

Those Evil Online Booksellers

There’s an inter­est­ing arti­cle in the New York Times about the effect of online book sales on small book­stores– espe­cially the effect of resales on authors and stores.

I admit that I have bought my fair share of new books from Ama­zon, or gone to a box store like Bor­ders or Barnes and Noble.  I don’t buy many used books, unlike my Dad, who loves Alib­ris almost as much as he loves his own kids, but I’m not an aca­d­e­mic, either, so I’m not chas­ing down obscure or out of print books most of the time.  And I have no doubt that this has had a real effect– I can see it in what ought to be the book mecca– Har­vard Square.  Now those won­der­ful days I spent as a kid and teenager mooching in the paper­back sci-fi & fan­tasy aisles at as many as three stores are gone.  The Har­vard Coop is run by B & N, and there’s one general-interest book­store (ONE, peo­ple) left in the square.  I try to buy there as often as pos­si­ble, but it really is over the river and through the woods for me, so it’s some­place I have to make a trip to get to.

But here’s the thing– and it’s some­thing the arti­cle doesn’t address.  They’re talk­ing about good, well-run small book­stores.  The ones who put care and deep thought into their selec­tions, and who pay atten­tion to inven­tory and what peo­ple come in ask­ing for.

Even liv­ing in Boston, I some­times have trou­ble find­ing a book that I need.  The only reli­able “small” book­stores, i.e., non-chains, are Book­smith and the New Eng­land Mobile Book Fair, aka King Tut’s Tomb.

Oth­er­wise?  Well, I live in a neigh­bor­hood in Boston that does have its own book­store– except it’s a spe­cialty book­store, and tends to carry mostly non­fic­tion and fic­tion works with an African-American or His­panic bent.  Which is fine for learn­ing new things, but when I need to find some­thing spe­cific that someone’s expressed a wish for, this isn’t the place to find it.

And the other nearby Book­store, which I desparately want to be able to shop at because it’s a sweet lit­tle store in a “down­town” where I can buy meat from a butcher, veg­gies and spices from the mid­dle east pro­duce ven­dor, cheese from a spe­cialty shop, nice tchotchkes from a nice lady in an airy, bright cor­ner store.  But the last three times I’ve gone in there, look­ing for non-obscure books, she hasn’t had any of them.

This last time I needed a book (and yes, shame on me for leav­ing Christ­mas shop­ping until the week before Christ­mas, but hey, crazy lady with a job, here) I delib­er­ately didn’t order two books from ama­zon on the the­ory that both had been well-reviewed and there­fore would be avail­able in an area book­store.  Boy.  I was wrong.   One of the books I wanted to give as a gift was a cooking/travel book that was on everyone’s best­seller lists a year ago, and came out in paper­back this sum­mer– it was well regarded in the lit­er­ary press, and was in the line of those Anthony Bour­dain books that sold like gang­busters.  Seemed safe to believe most sell­ers would carry it.

The other one, Dear Amer­i­can Air­lines, which is both fun­nier than David Sedaris and more poignant and heart­break­ing than Wally Lamb, has got­ten good reviews in major papers, and even ended up on some “best of the year” lists.  And yet, when I asked the pro­pri­et­ess if she had either, she gave me a look and said “never heard of them.”  She looked them up in her com­puter, and said, “Oh, no, I’ve never car­ried either of them.”  I found it hard to con­tain my sur­prise as to the lat­ter book, so I said “Really?  The Miles book had a very, very good review in the New York Times’ Sun­day Book Review.”

Okay.  Look.  I can under­stand that not every­one reads the Sun­day Book Review.  There are lots of bet­ter things to do with your time, really.  But if you’re a book­seller?  Espe­cially one on the East Coast?  Espe­cially one in Boston, where the books on the train are still an excel­lent sur­vey of real fic­tion and non­fic­tion?  Well, I hope you’ll agree that my flab­ber­gast­ed­ness (is that a word? I declare it so.) was rea­son­able when she answered me.

Oh, I don’t read that.”

And that, right there, is the prob­lem with many smaller brick and mor­tar book­stores.  If I have time, I will go to the trou­ble of order­ing some­thing ahead of time to go pick up– or will plan ahead enough so I have time to go to mul­ti­ple indie stores in one day.  But if I go in need­ing some­thing in par­tic­u­lar, or I’m in the mood to just browse, and the seller’s one of those peo­ple who thinks it would be “fun” to own a book­store, well, you’re just not going to have what I’m look­ing for  or will be inter­ested in buy­ing if you’re only buy­ing off the rec­om­mended list from your dis­trib­u­tor, or what­ever Oprah’s fea­tur­ing this month.  I have encoun­tered this prob­lem more times than I can count.  Good books that get good reviews in major book review pub­li­ca­tions, and they don’t even have one copy– con­sis­tently, every time I go look­ing for a copy.  It makes me sad, because I really would love that square to have a book­store.  But how could I pos­si­bly keep patron­iz­ing a book­store whose pro­pri­etress is so clue­less?  It’s like bang­ing my head against a brick and mor­tar store.  I’ve walked out of there empty-handed too often, and me walk­ing empty-handed out of a book­store is like the sun not ris­ing every day.

Maybe I’m a book­snob.  But if you want me to patron­ize your store?  Please carry at least some of the seriously-reviewed books of the year.  And if I say something’s been well-reviewed in such-and-such pub­li­ca­tion, at least have the audac­ity to lie to me and say you’re fresh out.  Then take note– and go read it.  You might make me believe you did order the one or two copies your small store had room for, and I might actu­ally come back.  I know it takes time.  I know it takes effort and thought.  But if you’re seri­ous about books, and seri­ous about own­ing a book­stores (two dif­fer­ent things, I know), then please, please, do it.

Instead?  The BH had to buy the cook/travel book at the B & N in Har­vard Square, and the Dear Amer­can Air­lines at the Bor­ders down­town.  And a cute lit­tle store in a cute lit­tle neigh­bor­hood lost a customer.