Bookseller, baker, ricotta-cheese maker. I'm a reader, a wannabe writer, have a mothballed J.D., and am little bit crazy. These are the days of my lives.
Posted in Deep Thoughts, bipolar, food, links, medicine, memory, mom, writing on Sep 6th, 2010
She doesn’t get why the girl who’s been sharing the seat gives her a glare when she gets off the bus– at least not until the girl– pretty in a red and purple vintage style wrap dress, zaftig though more so than Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks– says to the friend who’d been standing next to […]
I should be resting, I know, now while they don’t know what’s making me woozy and weak
but I need to do something when I’m not used to lying here idle,
and I’ve got friends coming soon. I’m looking forward to seeing them, ever so much.
Cleaning’s not an urge I get often, so when the urge comes, I’ll […]
Posted in Deep Thoughts, bipolar, meds, mom on Jul 9th, 2010
It’s funny—she’s so used, in a way, to the feelings of sadness, depression, loneliness– all the other emotions that go along with her manic depression that all of the— the bleakness —sometimes despair and siren, clichéd thoughts of that final darkness. Most days she doesn’t think of them much, at least when the meds […]
No. Not Nuprin, but my anti-anxiety drug, a stronger one than I used to take.
It’s been a long several days, and I shan’t/won’t go into details, other than to say the following.
Crazy people are liars.
They lie to themselves about how much they can handle, until they just can’t anymore. In the meantime, they pretend that they’re fine […]
Mr. Frost relates that “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall” and the contrary opinion, “Good fences make good neighbors,” in his poem Mending Wall– it seems to be frost heaves and winter and gravity, the upheavals of winter, weather and cows. He talks not of insidious creepers like ivy or bittersweet vine that […]
Posted in Deep Thoughts, bipolar, links on Apr 28th, 2010
There was a long article in the NYT Magazine Sunday about whether psychopharmacologists do their patients a disservice because their med visits are short (20 minutes) and they focus on symptoms that can respond to drugs that those self-same doctors are able to prescribe.
And yet. The doctor describes the slow creep of doubt, of the […]
Posted in Deep Thoughts, bipolar, poems on Apr 20th, 2010
Sometimes it’s just a little extra time on the meter,
that first bulb of spring showing yellow or pink,
that one person who says, “that’s a lovely necklace on you.”
It makes a difference, that moment,
between tears and laughter,
giving up and carrying on.
Karma, grace, blessing,
call it
whatever you like.
I know sometimes I’ll forget,
and flowers don’t bloom on demand,
but I can try keep […]
“Good morning,” I say, when I am at work.
“How are you?” my customers sometimes reply.
“A swirling void of worthlessness and angry depression, overlaid with somewhat effective anti-anxiety drugs, so long as I keep up with my schedule,” is not how I reply.
I smile and say “Fine, thank you, and you?”
They don’t want to know. I don’t, either. […]
Posted in baking, bipolar, cooking, flickr, food, links, photos, recipes on Apr 9th, 2010
So– say you’ve been sick for a while– a never-ending cold that dragged on for a month, your cyclical spring depression and a brief, scary manic burst of irrational rage, various family things going on, etc., and you’ve also got to work and get up every day and at least pretend to the outside world […]
Posted in Better Half, bipolar, flickr, good things, links, photos, sparkly on Apr 6th, 2010
Well, since my last post, it hasn’t quite been boils, fell beasts and death– but there have been a variety of dramas and ailments. To acknowledge the hard times of late, my Better Half bought me a present on what was– for me– not a Good Friday at all.
Pics, ’cause it happened.
But wait. There is more. […]