The right few words

Posted on February 14, 2009 by bipolarlawyercook| 17 Comments

I’ve been feel­ing up and down again– not the deep crashes and stom­ach lurch­ing heights of truly bad mood swings, but repet­i­tive lit­tle lurches that have me feel­ing cranky or sad or lethar­gic or anx­ious– and feel­ing very, very sorry for myself.  A la “I want a magic pill,” and “I don’t want to do this any­more” and all that use­less, self-pitying jive.

With the help of my shrink I’ve gone up on my meds, switched the extended v. imme­di­ate release dosages, added some down­ers at night to coun­ter­act some of the upper effect of the new reg­i­men, and oth­er­wise engaged in lots of lit­tle tweaks.  And I’ve felt great (okay, try just bet­ter, but bet­ter is good) for almost three weeks now– which is why I started feel­ing sorry for myself as I drove us home from din­ner last night with two dear friends and real­ized I was feel­ing too alter­nat­ingly weepy and irri­ta­ble at the wrong point in my birth con­trol pack for it to be mere PMS.  The thought that I was shad­ing up into a mixed hypo­ma­nia again from just a 25 mg. increase in one pill had me teary eyed as I hes­i­tantly expressed this con­cern to the BH (and yes, I’m going to leave a voice mail for my shrink)– and he gave me a long reas­sur­ing response about how it was hard, but that I was work­ing hard at it too, and that I had good providers, and that if any­one deal­ing with this could keep it under con­trol, it was me.

Which was all lovely and kind and what I needed to hear, but I still felt sorry for myself– so I asked him if he ever regret­ted not know­ing about this when we got together, then married.

“My only regret is you’re not richer,” he says.

It was just what I needed.  I’ve still got to call my shrink, but I’ll be laugh­ing all weekend.

Happy Valentine’s Day, sweet­heart.  I’m cer­tainly richer for hav­ing you.

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17 Responses to The right few words

  1. Irene | February 14, 2009 at 10:50 am |

    Tweak­ing med­i­cines can be a tough job, you are your own best expert at that. I always think we know best which pill to increase and which one to decrease. You get a feel­ing for it. Right now my antipsy­chotic is increased, because I’m a bit on the hypo­manic side. Overly happy and nosy and not mind­ing my own busi­ness. I think I am start­ing to come down now and then my med­i­cine will have to be decreased again, oth­er­wise I may become depressed and I will be the first to know when that hap­pens. Tweak­ing, con­stantly tweak­ing, but it works. Usu­ally, I start get­ting my hypo­manic moods toward the spring­time, so I know what I’m in for. At least i was not depressed this win­ter and that is a first. I think the mood sta­bi­lizer was the cause of that. I have one that I’m really happy with and that seems to keep the boo­gie man away. Hur­ray for that. Small mir­a­cles do occur.

    Irenes last blog post..Have one yourself.

  2. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! | February 14, 2009 at 10:56 am |

    Your BH and my Tom? Good men.

    This week I sent him this email, in per­ti­nent part:

    “You should be more demanding.”

    Tom’s response:

    “What should I demand?”

    I lurve him.

    And you.

    Cheri @ Blog This Mom!s last blog post..Today I’m Ask­ing You

  3. magpie | February 14, 2009 at 12:20 pm |

    He’s a good egg. So are you.

    mag­pies last blog post..Snow

  4. Jenn @ Juggling Life | February 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm |

    Now that’s a Valentine’s keeper.

    Jenn @ Jug­gling Lifes last blog post..Feb­ru­ary 9, 1971 6:00 am.

  5. Maddy | February 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm |

    Oh yes indeed! As Mag­pie says, what a jolly good egg he is.
    Best wishes and Happy Valentine’s day

    Mad­dys last blog post..Cross words

  6. Michelle | February 14, 2009 at 5:24 pm |

    He sounds like such a great guy! Doing any­thing with meds is always such a crap shoot I feel; a roller­coaster ride not for the faint of heart? May I ask what you are tak­ing at night? I have been tak­ing Trazadone as my night­time “downer” for years and I have to say I think I am in love with it!

    Michelles last blog post..Fri­day Fill Ins

  7. Prof. J | February 14, 2009 at 5:38 pm |

    Ah, love.

    Prof. Js last blog post..Reach out and touch faith

  8. savia | February 15, 2009 at 9:17 pm |

    What a sweet­heart. I’m so happy you two have each other. And as some­one who has to up her meds next week, I feel for ya. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Just keep at it.

    savias last blog post..I will never look at choco­late ads the same way again

  9. Allison | February 15, 2009 at 11:40 pm |

    Hmm…I’d keep him!

    Alli­son

    Allisons last blog post..A note about my icon

  10. g | February 16, 2009 at 10:59 am |

    It’s won­der­ful to have such a steady sup­porter. And one who loves you so much! Hang in there.

  11. Mariposa | February 16, 2009 at 2:01 pm |

    Ah, I know that feeling…and yes, that nice feel­ing of hav­ing some­one despite all!

    (((HUGS)))

    Happy (belated) Hearts Day!

  13. Allison | February 16, 2009 at 5:08 pm |

    What a guy! Sounds like you’ve got a good-humored team sup­port­ing you every step of the way!

  14. Maureen | February 17, 2009 at 2:54 pm |

    You make a great team!

    We also wish to be inde­pen­dently wealthy. Hasn’t hap­pened yet. We can always wish!

    Mau­reens last blog post..how do you spell ‘relief’?

  15. jenB | February 17, 2009 at 11:07 pm |

    If you were richer, or I were richer, we could talk on our cell phones inter­na­tion­ally every­day. And visit once a month :-) Your hus­band is lovely.

    We are med tweak­ing too, and it sounds almost exactly the same. In fact, may I crib this post. I am feel­ing too worry for myself to write my own.

    I am glad you have a good Doc and that you are hav­ing bet­ter days.

    xox­oxox

  16. Beth | February 18, 2009 at 6:09 am |

    What a won­der­ful hus­band you’ve got there!

    Beths last blog post..Just When I Think I’ve Seen the Last of Weird Dog Behavior

  17. Robot Dancers | February 18, 2009 at 1:59 pm |

    i too am tweak­ing.
    i feel your pain.
    fa reals yo.
    tweak­ers unite!

    Robot Dancerss last blog post..I Love The Eighties

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