I like to think I’ve changed for the better as I’ve gotten older. I’m still crazy, but a little less so, what with the diagnosis and medications and regular therapy. Plus? I don’t really have acute and quarterly nervous breakdowns, almost like clockwork, as I did all through college. I know now I get wicked low blood sugar, so I try to stay away from chips and candy and sugary sodas, which were my three favorite food groups back then, along with raw cookie dough. I hope I’m less snippy and judgmental, although if my meds aren’t quite right or my blood sugar’s low, I have still my moments. But over all, I like to think I’ve loosened up– that through the combined efforts of friends, my Better Half, and getting old enough to care less about what other people think of me, I laugh more, love more, fuss less– and that I’m no longer quite the Angst-tressy navel-gazer I was in college.
But there are parts of me from college I miss. First, my weight– or lack thereof. Ah, back when I was a size 10. It seems so long ago. But for all the incestuous angst that a small women’s college can breed, it was nice to be a comparatively big fish in a small pond. So many Interesting women with Interesting thoughts and Interesting backgrounds to stay up all night seducing and/or drinking coffee and/or drinking herbal tea and/or laughing with and/or just hanging our and/or smoking pot and/or … well, you get the picture. I may or may not have done all of those things. I’m not sayin’, except to say that I remain as liberal as my bar license allows me to be. But … I liked to think I was a bit of a badass in college, and one of the things that I felt made me a badass were my brown lace-up Doc Marten boots.
I will say, CATEGORICALLY, that I was the first woman on campus to wear these. (Really, there were 1200 students. It was possible to count.) There was one other woman who later claimed she wore them first, but she was the jealous girlfriend of one of my very good friends and I like to think it was just a play for attention– one she lost, since the good friend agreed that I wore them first. (See, I told you it was incestuous and angsty.) And yes, I admit that $120.00 for boots that buy you self-image is excessive, perhaps, but … anyway. Back to badassery.
If it’s possible to be a student government badass, I kind of was. And I worked the Information Desk during the weekly party at the Campus Center as well as some of the parties on weekends (more money that way and regular hours), which made me the source of much attention when people wanted me to hide their beers or buy them a beer or save them a beer or, well, lots of other beer-centered things. Sometimes pot. I’m not sayin’. And friends would come sit with me behind the desk, studying or just hanging out. Plus, I was “wicked smart,” as many classmates said, and at this particular college, being smart was a definite plus. And I will say, my svelte figure and good looks didn’t hurt.
I kind of felt like the info desk was the center of campus, the center of the universe, and the center of my life. I did lots of homework there, but I had lots of intense conversations with friends who sat in back with me or just leaned over the side– for hours, oftentimes, much to the chagrin of my bosses, but at least I did my work unlike some coworkers. I did a hell of a lot of my SGA office hours there, just because I was there and anyone who had a question could ask me. And I got to sit back, put my Docs up on the desk, and survey the world as it passed by. I sometimes felt like Lucy from Peanuts– The Doctor Is In.
But I wasn’t just watching while wearing those boots– I was doing. I went to and ran meetings in those boots, went on and made out with dates in those boots, went to class, went on trips, just mooched around, and hung out with friends. I laughed, cried and yelled in those boots. Once, I threw them at someone. That relationship did not end well.
I put a lot of miles on those Docs, happy and sad– twelve years after college so much has changed– but those boots still fit my foot. I don’t wear them as much, needing to be ready to go to court if you have to will do that to you– but when I put them on, I feel different. I feel a bit more badass. I feel a bit like … maybe I should switch them out a bit more with my clogs, and bring these Docs back into the rotation.
Because being a grownup and in most ways less angsty is nice– but it’s good to strut a little, too. Even if the boots you’re strutting in are like you– the leather’s more broken in, the toes are more scuffed, the laces are frayed, the heels a bit worn down at the edges. They’re still boots for badasses. And who wants a squeaky-clean pair of shitkickers anyway?
Yep. Gonna wear my boots more. And I still say I wore them first, MC.
Those are some kick-ass docs.
You were way cooler than I was as an undergrad.
alejnas last blog post..picking myself up
Same boots? You’ve had the same boots since college? That is badass.
magpies last blog post..Grace #2 = Flowers on a Snow Day
I lost my inner badass so many years ago it is not funny.
I would like to tell you that I had those Doc boots in law school, but I cannot tell you that because I STILL HAVE THOSE DOC BOOTS.
My love for you grows deeper as the years go by.
Cheri @ Blog This Mom!s last blog post..You Wanna Know What Comes Between Me and My Whoppers?
I always loved the girls who wore doc martins.
Prof. Js last blog post..My Man (I love him so)
Now you’ve got me picturing Lucy wearing Doc Martens.
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..Mmmm, Pie.
Tough broads wear shit kicking boots. I am happy to announce that I wear them myself nowadays. Good for you for wearing them so early on in your life. It speaks volumes for you.
I think we’re about the same age, and I have a pair of oxblood red Docs that I’ve had since the end of high school. I remember they were $100 and that was really expensive then. They have dragged through half the world with me and I still love them but rarely wear them. But when I do, god, great memories and history and attitude. Back when I was idealistic and a dreamer and a fighter. And they still are my most comfortable shoes for long walks and days on my feet. I keep trying to find some conservative DM shoes that I can use for work…
Ss last blog post..I did not see this coming
Absolutely nothing wrong with spending $120 on self-image if it involves boots like that! Since they last just about forever and make you feel good it’s totally justified.
Ok first of all we were all svelte before nightly milk and cookies — don’t blame yourself there! And bagel bonanza every Sunday at brunch? This was before they told us that the bagels we eat are actually the size of 5 pieces of bread. Don’t you think that THAT college (and probably other but hell, I’ve only been to 2 others to compare it to) almost looked fondly on watching the women there evolve and test their inner badass? Almost like it was part of the curriculum and that Manic Panic hair dye was a required purchase on the syllabus? I was done being a badass there after 1 year but I bet we would have been hiding booze together behind the SGA desk if I had stayed for 4 years!
I think everyone needs to be a badass at some point, even if that level of badass is quite tame when compared with people whose faces look like pincushions, but that’s the far end of extreme.
And while I never owned docs, I miss my moments of badassery as well, but explaining silly knock knock jokes to the kids has it’s moments too
Mine weren’t Docs, but they definitely made me feel like a badass. I love the sound of my boot heels clicking on the floor.
Dorys last blog post..Grace in Small Things 8×365 (plus one BIG thing.)
Love the boots and the badassery! I never had docs, but I had real construction worker boots that I wore sometimes to actually do real construction work in.…now I wear pretty shoes, but it took me thirty years before I could do it.
gs last blog post..Dude and Dudette
I love being old enough were I really don’t care what other people think.…For me its a college sweatshirt that I still have!
“But for all the incestuous angst that a small women’s college can breed…So many Interesting women with Interesting thoughts and Interesting backgrounds.”
I think that nicely encompasses the women’s college experience! Sigh. Feeling nostalgic. Why aren’t there any women’s law schools?
I also have issues with blood sugar. If it dips too low, watch out! I always keep a stash of those glucose tablets with me. They’re cheap, and the grape ones taste like Kool-Aid.
Allison
Allisons last blog post..Thanksgiving
I no longer have my Docs, but I do have some very nice clogs. Instead, when I need to feel badass, I swear and spit a little. he he
I had Docs way back when too…but I never liked them as well as I liked my Creepers. The Docs were too heavy on me feets.. I kinda felt like I had to drag my feet around in them. I no longer have my Docs but I still have my Creepers.
Krishannas last blog post..Don’t Screw It Up For The Rest Of Us
I brought my Docs back from London. I really loved them but they didn’t fit right so I ended up giving them to my nieces, likely the oldest wore them. She likely looked like a badass Goth.
Maureens last blog post..oven quandaries