Oh my God! Did you hear?!? It snowed today in the Northeast! It’s going to snow more tomorrow! And maybe even on Sunday! We might even get fifteen inches before the weekend’s over! Which is just over a foot, by my calculation, but NO, it’s like a BLIZZARD or something. (Let’s humor me and stick with the something, mmkay?)
AAAGGGHHHH! Quick, everyone run to the grocery store and hit each other in your overgrown SUVs while you drive in a panicked lemming-like frenzy in the parking lot, and let’s shut down the state and city offices, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STAY OFF THE ROADS! In fact, let’s get the plows out there before it starts snowing, so they can practice. Plus, it’s cool when the metal drives sparks up when the plow scrapes bare road. Or maybe that’s just me.
AND, let’s all leave work early, and whine at the bosses until they buy us pizza for lunch, too, because while it didn’t start snowing until 2, there was a POSSIBILITY that if anyone had to go outside to get lunch they might get SNOWED ON and then be all “I’m melting! What a world!” (although you would think that would justify the push to go home earlier, but apparently a free lunch was more important at that moment) and let’s act HORRIFIED when some of your coworkers and/or the attorneys you work for (who have hours to bill) say they’re not leaving ASAP because they live right on the train line with a less than five minutes’ walk on either end, but then the snow is a far-distant second.
Because, OH MY GOD, YOU TAKE THE TRAIN TO WORK? You are so, so, brave.
It’s Boston, it’s called winter, you pussies wimps. Get over it. And while you’re at it, get shoveling. And so help me, if I catch you tossing your snow out into the street rather than tossing it into your yard, you goddamned lazy assholes jerkfaces, well, I might just post your name on my sparsely-read frequently New York Times quoted-blog. So there. Grrr.
Happy snow days, all.
Update: I should say this– if you’re not from an area where this is the norm, then yes, it is right to be cautious and maybe even a little freaked out with real snowfall. But if you’ve lived someplace where it invariably snows more than five times a year each winter for your whole life– then, like I said. OMG. WTF?
Hee, hee, I bet it felt really good to get that off your chest. It did make me laugh, because it is how people behave. I love the sarcasm you so deftly piled on. Nobody knows what to do with a couple of inches of snow anymore. Everything comes to a standstill. Modern man and the elements, huh? We are all a bunch of ninnies.
The Finely Tuned Womans last blog post..Picture and Award.
Dood, I KNOW! WTF is up with Northeasterners having a major freak out about a little snow storm?! Christ, already. Hello, it’s winter. It snows.
You should see Southern Californians and rain.
Cheri @ Blog This Mom!s last blog post..Bitch Slap 2: Including Toe Photo
This made me laugh out loud! I used to live in Chicago, another place where snow can get ridiculous. I ‘ve had to shovel out my entire alley in order to get to work!! (It took a few days, but I did it)
I now live in the California desert, and we had a record setting 1.5″ of rain over a 2 day period. Roads were closed. Folks called in “sick” to work.
We’ve all become a bit soft in the head!
Ice storms are the big winter “threat” here. We’ve been getting them all my life. But the last two years, it’s like all Kansans have forgotten that we really can handle them. Last year, we all freaked out at the forecast for an ice storm, closed the state. Then, nothing. Same thing yesterday: panic at a forecast ice storm, but in the end there was never any precipitation. I would expect that kind of panic from southern coastal areas that don’t ever deal with our weather, but Kansans are supposed to be heartier than that.
Sarahs last blog post..Not saying I told you so, but…
I have to second Cheri’s comments. Two of my son’s friends stayed home from school on Wednesday because it was raining. Yes, it was raining hard and we haven’t this much rain in 5 years, but still, it was only rain!
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..Inside My Tired Mind
It rained here…RAINED…and people actually started buying water at the supermarket because they were going to be RAINED in. Who knew that a half inch of rain was equivalent to a flood. Get the canoes out suckaaaaaahs!
Robot Dancerss last blog post..Brain To Mouth Filter
my rebellious nature took over and I purposely didn’t run out and buy milk and bread just to spite the newscasters who I think are trying to bolster the economy. What they don’t know is how much power they hold. If they said the snow will be sooooo bad that everyone needs to go invest in wall street, they would and then we wouldn’t be in economic crisis. but I still wouldn’t just to spite them
Oh, I hear you. Thursday evening I had to pop over to the grocery store to buy diapers. The parking lot was mobbed like I’ve never seen before. I turned around and went home.
And that was even before we heard the frog forecast.
alejnas last blog post..wide (PhotoHunt)
you know i live here in utah.…and our valley’s elevation is about 4500 ft. however, it never fails that everyone has a complete panic attack when it snows more than 3 inches here. despite the fact 2 out of 3 homes have at least one 4-wheel drive vehicle in their arsenal of transportation options. (and yes, i totally made up that statistic.)
it snowed about 10 inches here on friday. and it’s supposed to drop another 10 on us tomorrow.