… or y’all, for my southern readers. What you see above is one of my favorite places—at my computer, with you, emailing with you, IMing with you, writing for you, reading your posts and comments, drinking my tea and enjoying the pleasure of your company.
When I started this blog, it was as a woman thrashing, drowning, clutching at the shore, far off. I felt alone, isolated by my bipolar and my erstwhile functionality, lost for the moment. I’d been used to being the social secretary, the project manager, the mom, the best friend, the best wife, the organizer. And then, I couldn’t. When I started the blog, almost two years in to my diagnosis, I still wasn’t sure I’d make it, and I wasn’t at that time finding support in the support groups around– since it’s not a disease that those who aren’t either sufferers themselves or direct caregivers can ever fully get. I was no longer of the people who’d been moderately functional most of their lives– suddenly, blammo, I’d lost it. Lost it, like it was my fault, all of a sudden.
Except the bipolar wasn’t sudden—just unrealized, unnoticed, stealth madness, if you will. Creeping, cumulative, accelerated, suddenly hit-the-wall crazy, alone, unhappy. I wasn’t, but I felt that way. So I started the blog to journal it through, though I was not expecting to find readers. I was not expecting to find comfort from my blog, just catharsis, though I’d found relief in the raw honesty of bloggers like Dooce—I started not really knowing what to expect, at all. I think I was hoping to provide some information, some comfort, some you’re-not-alone-ness to others, but mostly, I was hoping to provide it to myself, stopping the circling doubts by getting them Out There. Hoping, but not sure I wouldn’t still feel a little lonely, misunderstood. Especially since I wasn’t then sure how out I could afford to be in “real life” about my illness, my disorder, my bane.
Instead, I’m blessed beyond belief, beyond compare. Readers found me, friends found me, I found friends to read, and some of you have trusted me with incredibly hard secrets, in email or in comments. Thank you. Thank you for sharing, for encouraging, for believing, for rooting, for asking for help, for responding, for being that new number in the stat count, new ISP in my Google Analytics, being There. And Here. Every time I open my Reader, open my comments email account, and every time I open “Write New Post.” You’ve made me braver, saner, more Out in real life, more who I am Here that I was afraid to be There. The blog and Real Life are converging, and Real Life is better as a result– amazingly, most “real” people have been great, just like you. But I might have not known that—except by creating here, coming here, and sticking it out, with my wireless connection, a cup of tea and thou—who are with me all the time. All the way. Thank you. And happy Love Thursday.
You can see more Love Thursday posts here, at Shutter Sisters.
And thank YOU for loving your readers, some of whom begin their mornings with cups of caffiene, their laptops, and their regimens of meds. It’s good to feel not-so-alone.
I come to you via Derfwad Manor and the excellent Mrs G.
Loving your writing and sharing your passion for Jonathan Crombie.
I’m off to Google him now.
Have a great Thursday
I am usually wary these days of adding anyone new to my Google Reader list because I just don’t have the physical time to read any more blogs, but Mrs G gave you the hard sell so I did for once click on a new link.
Wow! I’m glad I did. What fantastic writing and what a beautiful post.
I too am glad that I found blogging — without it I really honestly do not think I would have got through the past six months as easily as i have. And it’s been a lot of fun too.
I’ve added you to my reader!
I admire your love thursday perspective.
This is my first visit here. Thanks for your honesty and your sharing of your process. I’m going to poke around for a while, sipping my morning java. (btw, I have a Mac
What a great slow cook thursday. Your blog looks amazing and I can’t wait to read more. I’m here in Texas (don’t hold it against me) wishing I had one of your husband’s omelettes (doesn’t cream cheese just make everything better? I always add it to my twice baked potatoes).
I saw your post about Hulu and wanted to tell you about one of my favorite shows of all time. I don’t think it’s available on that website, but if you’re ever at the rental store or netflix, rent Six Feet Under and watch it from the very beginning. You won’t be sorry.
I popped ovah from Mrs G’s place. I grew up in Fall Rivah, so I’m officially a Masshole. Your post ovah theyah was like a little trip home.
I’m adding you to my daily reading list.
Also a visitor from Derfwad Manor. Love the Teddie plant picture!!
Also, loving your soba noodle recipe.
Admiring your courage. I’ll definately visit your blog some more!
What a great Love Thursday post! I so enjoy reading your blog and getting to know you a little.
Thank you, too. Got your back, sister.
What a gorgeous coffee cup! Love the way the light is making it glow
Apparently, you’re featured over at Mrs. G.‘s today…I’m off to go read!
Glad your blog has helped you so much.
Your mother is a minister!?! Will wonders never cease.
Happy Thursday to you too.
I love you, too.
xoxoxo
right back atcha
too funny…I was at Wellington the other day and thought about having lunch at that steak place that plays country music (it sounded good at the time), only there was a line out the door, so we left. While at the light, I noticed the Teddy Peanut Butter sign off in the distance and thought it would make a damn fine picture…and so it did!
well said.
enjoyed your slow cook and can’t wait to try the recipe.
Happy love Thursday, love.
You are awesome!!!! AND a gifted writer!! Never let go of it and never forget it. I love reading your blog because it is so honest — and that is a wonderful gift to all of us — including yourself. Keeping putting one foot infront of another. The journey of a million miles begins with one step. You my dear are a gift to all of us. Keep smiling — and thank-you for sharing your life with us. We are all so blessed!
Found you through Mrs. G and so happy I did. I started my blog recently as a way to cope with my divorce and my Ex living next door. I can only hope to someday write as beautifully as you. I admire your strength and determination — and your blog!!
Mrs. G sent me. And I’ll be back! I just started ‘blogging as therapy’ because of depression turned bipolar … “Creeping, cumulative, accelerated, suddenly hit-the-wall crazy, alone, unhappy” I can relate.
It is nice that we are not alone anf have many people in the same boat as we are and are willing to share their experinces.
You are the BEST! It is always such a delight reading your blog and learning from you. I feel privileged to be one of your readers. I hope that it continues to be such a positive, meaningful, and inspiring journey!!
Mrs. G sounds like a popular read by your commenters I will have to check her site out. I too stumbled acorss your blog from I can’t remember where but have been coming back daily…it provides me with sanity…to read such well written down to earth posts, to know that there are others out there succeeding at the challenges of life…Kudos to you for sharing and sharing so well!
Yummy recipe! I make something way more complicated with baked Japanese eggplant — I so totally am going to try yours.
It’s not my first time here, but you know that. I am glad to see so many new people here–you deserve to be discovered by the rest of the world. ‘Cause you’re great.
I hope we can work out the blog world/real world connection this summer. And Boston is definitely a city I’d like to return to one day … I must plug the unexpected niceness of all the gruff-sounding Bostoners I met while I was there. A cabby actually stopped my girlfriend and I at 4 a.m. (he sensed we were lost … uh, yeah) and had us follow him to our hotel. You don’t get that in every big city.
I have seen you around. I have popped in once or twice.
And in the light of your truth and raw honesty in this post, I cannot simply duck out, unseen, unheard.
It is this honesty that makes all the difference…in the blogosphere and in RL.
Beautiful piece, this.
I love your blog, and I love your post for today. As another woman who suffers from bipolar, I find my blog to be the place to go when the craziness or depression starts to take over.
“since it’s not a disease that those who aren’t either sufferers themselves or direct caregivers can ever fully get. I was no longer of the people who’d been moderately functional most of their lives– suddenly, blammo, I’d lost it. Lost it, like it was my fault, all of a sudden.”
This is exactly how I feel today … even 6 years after my diagnosis and treatment.
Happy Love Thursday!! We love you MORE!!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
I do enjoy your writing so much. Yours is a blog that will never be unsubscribed in my google reader. Pinky swear.
Right back at ya! And I think we have the same Dell laptop. I purchased mine in law school. Grrrrrrrr.….