New blog address

For those of you still check­ing this site for updates, this is the thing.

I’m now blog­ging at She Cur­mud­geon.

The con­tent will have some of the same– cook­ing, mus­ings, men­tal health blather, plus rumi­na­tions on some other changes in my per­sonal and pro­fes­sional life– some heavy, oth­ers less so.  Peo­ple change and move and while it isn’t always fore­see­able (for any­one) that it’s for the bet­ter or wiser– still, they do change.

Much love to you all, fam­ily and friends and every­one who’s read here through the years, whether or not you choose to follow.

She Cur­mud­geon

…and whether pigs have wings.”

I’ve been writ­ing here, on and off, seri­ously and less than so, since 2007.  But of late, things have been chang­ing because, well– I have been chang­ing a lot in my per­sonal life the last sev­eral years.  For bet­ter or worse, this blog doesn’t quite fit who I am or who I want to be any more.

I still am bipo­lar– I always will be– but that’s not all of who I am, and I’m try­ing to define all of the things that I am besides my men­tal health, and fig­ur­ing out what’s my per­son­al­ity, what’s my pathol­ogy, and how to inter­weave all of those threads into a coher­ent life that I feel is worth liv­ing is a strug­gle that I need to rela­bel– not so much as being bipo­lar as being a grownup who can iden­tify the things that she wants and work on try­ing to make those things actu­ally happen.

I’m trained as a lawyer, but the com­pet­i­tive­ness, argu­men­ta­tive­ness, the nit­pick­i­ness, the focus on trees to the dis­re­gard of the for­est?  Those are things I need to work on and try to move past, because they’re not qual­i­ties that I want to have at the fore­front of how I express myself and inter­act with most people.

Cook­ing?  I still do it, but between the wors­en­ing gluten intol­er­ance and the anorexia my mood-stabilizer instills in me, it’s kind of a crap­shoot whether I can muster the inter­est in eat­ing, much less gag down all the food on my plate and man­age a week’s meals on a reg­u­lar basis.  Out­wardly, right now I am thin, but inside I grew up a fat kid with food issues who knows her weight loss is med-driven.  Com­pli­ments on my appear­ance mess me way the hell up.  Defin­ing myself as a cook is iffy as hell, and I’ve got all these pho­tos of dishes I cook wast­ing away on my hard drive because I can’t find it in me to blog about food any­more.  I’m not hun­gry any­more.

I will likely find a new time and place to talk about many things, from ships and  shoes to seal­ing wax to the newest YA release to  whether it sucks that women’s use of makeup in the work­place achieves bet­ter sales (it does suck, but it works, in my hum­ble opin­ion).  It won’t, how­ever, be here, because peo­ple change and need to make new places for them­selves some­times. I find that I’m at that place,  now.

Thank you to all of you who’ve read here and been such very good friends.  You’re all won­der­ful, and I can still be reached at bipolarlawyercook@gmail.com.

Ouch. And yet, hah.

Me, look­ing at today’s Google home­page image:  It’s Char­lie Chaplin’s 122nd birth­day.
The hus­band, not look­ing up from his com­puter: And his wife’s 35th.

Butcher, baker, candlestick maker

These last two weeks, I’ve been wear­ing my baker’s hat.  I made some lemon yogurt muffins from Mar­ion Cunningham’s Break­fast Book, a cook­book every­one should have if only for her Fresh Gin­ger Cake and Nut­meg Muffins, and then made the (gluten free) Choco­late Chip Cook­ies in Cook­ing for Isa­iah.  The lat­ter were excel­lent, and no one at work noticed they were GF.  The tex­ture was a bit dif­fer­ent, but I made them with but­ter and not the short­en­ing option (com­pletely tested & approved by the author) and they were deli­cious and toll-house-y, which is really the depar­ture point for all choco­late chip cook­ies.  And they did not make my stom­ach upset, always a bonus.

But as tasty as these things were, they couldn’t beat two real standouts.

First:  Melissa Clark’s Blood Orange Olive Oil Cake.  I love Clark’s col­umn, “A Good Appetite,” at the NYT, and I own her book.  Twice.  In hard­cover, and also on my Nook Color so I can shop from it ran­domly in the super­mar­ket when I have no idea what to cook.  I’d never made an olive oil-based cake, and I hadn’t had this winter’s serv­ing of blood oranges, so.…  I used yogurt, not but­ter­milk, an either/or option in the recipe, and though Clark calls for whipped cream on the side, I wanted creme fraiche.  And my blood oranges were a lit­tle dry and tart, so– I heated my honey-fruit com­pote in the microwave with a lit­tle more honey than called for to give it more sweet­ness and oomph.

Melissa Clark's Blood Orange Olive Oil Cake

It was gor­geous and moist and a lovely, cit­rusy, mid­win­ter cake.

And then there is Impos­si­ble Pie. Today’s been an Impos­si­ble Day, for var­i­ous rea­sons that aren’t bor­ing or unblog­gable but which, well– I just don’t feel like dis­cussing the rea­sons. So I won’t. But I did make Impos­si­ble Pie, which gets its name (so says the March 2011 Food & Wine arti­cle in which it’s con­tained) because it forms its own crust from the one-bowl bat­tery mess of dried coconut and other pantry and fridge sta­ples (um, if you keep coconut in your pantry, that is) that is totally worth mak­ing if you feel like– I need some­thing custardy-sweet and com­fort­ing.  Now.  I did tweak the recipe thusly: I didn’t have sweet­ened coconut, only un-, and I had coconut milk, so I used 1 cup coconut milk (all the liq­uid in the can and then enough of the sploogy-clotted coconut cream to make one cup in a two-cup mea­sure and 1 cup whole cow’s to fill) plus 2 cups dried unsweet­ened coconut– then every­thing else as called for.

It’s not gluten free– it calls for 1/2 cup of self-raising flour (cheat recipe here)– and the next time I make it, I’m going to try sub­bing in the basic gluten free blend from Cook­ing for Isa­iah with the self-raising adap­ta­tion of bak­ing pow­der and salt and see how I do– but it’s not so much that I think I’ll get a rumbly tummy from one slice a day.  Or two.  Maybe three?  Why not.  I deserve it.

Impossible Pie

It’s awfully good– enough to turn an Impos­si­ble Day into a pos­si­ble one, even.

Ode to the book, 2011

I sent the elec­tronic books into slum­ber,
closed up the lap­top.
I went down to the street,
wet and run­ning with slush from
yesterday’s snow and this winter’s ice limn­ing my jeans,
soak­ing my socks.
I should have worn rain­boots but once I was out,
I’d be damned if I was going to turn back.
The get­ting out, once accom­plished,
can’t be gainsaid.

The lit­tle cafe isn’t open on Mon­days
but the diner, the diner– it is.
The songs of short-order,
of sausage and Amer­i­can cheese,
griddle-fried Eng­lish muffins and the “hey, mans”
of bus and train dri­vers com­ing in from the sleet.
They order their usual, BLTs and corned beef hash
and always extra mayo, ketchup, hot sauce.
Var­i­ous condi­ments, spice of life.

It’s not always about organic bacon,
local-sourced chevre.
Some­times it’s puffy down jack­ets,
framed sports posters on walls,
formica coun­ters,
patois and pat­ter,
the fry cook telling the owner about how her daugh­ter,
“Oh my god, she’s so pre­cious,
she wanted a Shirley Tem­ple for her birth­day,
and I didn’t have grena­dine,
only cran­berry juice.  I’m glad she’s too young
to know bet­ter.”
And he laughs and pours her a cof­fee,
tips his base­ball cap, then lifts the chipped baby blue gate
and comes to pour me more joe.

The guys at the next table
are a dif­fer­ent kind of news feed,
I don’t have to click them to fol­low
what­ever they’re doing.
I learned about life from books,
wrote about it in note­books and net­books,
read more about it online and in line on what­ever paper was handy,
now click or swipe to the next page in my e-reader too.
I’ll devour what­ever type of story there is.
There’s always a new one to be told, too–
if first and some­times I remem­ber.
Close up the lap­top.
It’s okay to get your feet wet.

(Apolo­gies to Pablo Neruda.)

Unre­lated note: I do have things going on, they’re just kind of pri­vate and not to be blogged about, and also tak­ing up a lot of my atten­tion that might oth­er­wise be spent writ­ing here.  But things are okay.  Thank you to those who have asked.